


The Real Date

by Aloneindarknes7



Series: Start on the Right Path [2]
Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Gender/Sexuality, Awkward Boners, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Bisexual Male Character, Boyfriends, Coming In Pants, Coming Untouched, Dating, Fingerfucking, First Time, Hand Jobs, Hermaphrodites, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Magic, Queer Character, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sex Magic, Skeletons, Tentacle Dick, Tentacles, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-06-07 21:58:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6826132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aloneindarknes7/pseuds/Aloneindarknes7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since Hater learned that he was on a date with Wander he hasn't been able to get the orange nomad out of his thoughts. When they finally meet up again, Hater asks Wander out for a proper date. Of course, like with all of Hater's ideas, nothing goes exactly as planned. But Wander makes things better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, it's happening, this is becoming a series. This part takes place almost directly after The Date (How it Should Have Happened). I already have this entire thing planned out now it's just being able to sit down and write. I won't get much of a chance to do that until school is over and I'm done teaching. Updates might be a bit sparse between now and halfway through June.

Hater drummed his fingers on the arm of his throne. “Anything yet?” he asked Peepers.

Peepers resisted massaging his temples. The headache was already set in so what was the use? “No, sir, for the tenth time in the last few minutes, there’s nothing to report yet.”

“What’s taking them so long?” Hater demanded as he slammed a fist against his throne, causing a small amount of green electricity to crackle around him.

“We only sent them out this morning, sir. It’s going to take a little bit of time. Maybe if you were patient--” Peepers stopped himself mid-sentence and changed tactics. “Maybe if you went to a planet yourself, that way he’ll be sure to turn up,” he suggested. “You know how good he is at finding you.”

Hater rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Well, since the Watchdogs are obviously no good at this, then I guess I’ll just have to do it myself. Alright, Peepers, pick a planet and let me show everyone how this is correctly done.”

“Of course, sir.” Peepers saluted and picked the closest planet that could easily be dominated. 

The Skullship hovered over the planet while the Watchdogs not sent on patrol pooled out of the ship to overwhelm the planet’s citizens. The small creatures ran around in chaotic panic, screaming and calling out for help.

“Excellent,” Hater cackled as he made his triumphant appearance as he leapt out of the ship to land amongst the mayhem. “All of this destruction is a sure fire way to get Wander’s attention.” He posed happily and looked around expectantly. “Yep, any minute now and Wander is going to come strolling in to help these losers. He’ll probably sing some song and smile that stupid smile of his. Yeah, he’ll be here soon.”

Hater continued to wait as the Watchdogs caroled the defenseless creatures. Peepers began to talk with the ruler of the planet and explain their new role as he claimed the planet under Lord Hater’s rule.

“Oh yeah, any minute now,” Hater nodded to himself and crossed his arms over his chest, his smile disappearing. He tapped his foot impatiently. “Come on, Wander! Where are you? You’re always around when I don’t want you to be. Now that I finally want you around, I can’t find you anywhere!” 

Hater expected Wander to reply and reveal himself, yet there was no orange, smiling banjo player nearby. “Fine!” Hater shouted as he blasted the ground in front of him in a tantrum. 

The ruler shrieked at the display and surrendered to Peeper’s demands immediately. Peepers gave his lord a thumbs up of approval. Hater continued to growl unhappily. 

Shortly after that, they tried another planet with similar results. No Wander appeared to stop Hater’s evil doing and the planet was taken over without a hassle. Then a third and fourth planet fell to Hater’s control in the same manner. After the sixth planet, Hater started to get worried.

“Congratulations, sir! We’re in the top ten on the Villain’s Board!” Peepers celebrated. “These past few days have been the most successful for us ever since we met Wander.”

“You don’t think something happened to him, do you?” Hater asked Peepers, he was staring out of the large eye shaped windows of the Skullship. 

“I’m not sure, sir,” Peepers hesitantly answered. “I mean, I doubt it. Nothing has ever seemed to be able to stop Wander before. Even after everything we tried against him, he never appeared hurt or anything.”

“So then why hasn’t he showed up lately?” Hater turned his gaze to Peepers. “I haven’t seen him since our date. You don’t think he’s avoiding me, do you?” Hater’s jaw was trembling slightly. 

Peepers nervously rubbed his hands together. “No, sir, no way! Why would he do that? You know Wander; he’s probably off on another adventure right now. Maybe he just found another villain to bother this week.”

“Another villain? You really think Wander would do that to me?” Now there were tears threatening in Hater’s eyes.

“That’s not what I meant!” Peepers quickly corrected himself. “I meant maybe he’s just distracted by something else right now. Or maybe he’s taking a vacation? Everyone needs a little break every now and again. In fact, since you’ve been working so hard, sir, maybe you should go ahead and give yourself the rest of the day off?” Peepers suggested. “I know that new video game you’ve been wanting was finally released yesterday. Why don’t you go play that for a while? I’ll alert you if there’s anything new about our search for Wander.”

“Was that yesterday?” Hater hummed to himself as he considered the suggestion. “I guess you’re right. I mean, I have been working extra hard at being awesome and evil and everything. Alright, I’ll be in my room for the rest of the day. But I better be told the second you find out anything about Wander.” He pointed a threatening finger at Peepers and then used his powers to teleport into his room.

Hater set up his video game console and instantly forgot all of his worries about Wander.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Oh, Hatey,” Wanda giggled. Hater reached out and brushed a strand of her long blonde hair behind her shoulder and placed his hand on her slim shoulder. She batted her eyes up at him. “I’m having such a good time with you, Hatey, you’re the greatest.” She leaned forward and kissed him before moving away and taking his free hand in her two smaller ones.

“No, you’re the greatest.” Hater argued as he leaned forward and returned her kiss. He could feel her smile against his lips. She shifted on his lap and one of her hands reached up to brush against his face. Her hands were so soft and warm against his bones.

“Well, I guess we’re both the greatest.” She leaned her head down against his chest and held her hand up to admire the small diamond glittering there. “I’m the luckiest wife in the galaxy now.” 

“And I’m the luckiest husband in the galaxy.” Wander smiled and moved to join Wanda on Hater’s lap. He had an identical ring on his finger. 

“No, that’s my title.” Hater declared as he pulled the two against himself. He smiled as they both moved to kiss him on his cheeks. “I’ve never been happier.” 

“Oh, I think there’s something we can do to make you happier.” Wander wiggled his eyes suggestively as he started to press kisses over Hater’s face and then down his neck. He didn’t seem to be stopping as he continued to kiss down Hater’s suddenly naked body.

“Is this making you happy, Hater? We only want to make you happy.” Wanda grinned as she grabbed Hater’s hand and placed it under her dress with a giggle.

“Oh yeah,” Hater grinned and squeezed his hand as he leaned forward to kiss her again.

“Sir, please!” Wanda shrieked in a perfect imitation of Peeper’s voice.

“What?” Hater froze, his lips still puckered for a kiss.

“Please, sir, wake up!” 

Hater blinked and found that he was on the floor in his room. The video game was still paused on his screen, displaying his character mid-jump over a pit of monsters. He could feel pizza being squished under his shoulder. More importantly, he was holding onto a struggling Peepers.

“Peepers?” Hater frowned and released his commander. 

“Oh thank glop,” Peepers inhaled deeply. “I’ve been trying to wake you up, sir, we finally found Wander on the planet--”

“You found Wander! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Hater shouted as he stood up. The pizza fell off of his shoulder and landed on the floor with a wet plop.

“I’ve been trying, sir! We only found him a few moments ago and he doesn’t seem to be in a rush to leave the planet soon. Maybe you’ll want to freshen up before we descend on this planet?” Peepers suggested, eyeing Hater carefully. He hastily looked away and cleared his throat. “I’ll, um, leave you to attend to yourself, privately.” Peepers stated and beat a hasty retreat out of the door.

“Huh, that was weird.” Hater scratched his head. Normally Peepers never left him alone so quickly or without a new reason why Hater should reconsider his plans to date Wander. “I wonder what that was about,” he muttered as he pressed his hands to the small of his back and grunted as his bones cracked. “Oh yeah,” he moaned and smiled as he made his way to his bathroom.

Hated passed the stuffed animal he had won on his date with Wander. The wig was still on its head and he brushed his fingers through them happily. Hater smiled and picked the small stuffed animal up. “You and me, Wanda,” he murmured before kissing the stuffed animal with his eyes closed. 

He felt his body heat up at his fantasy and opened his eyes. When he looked down, Hater felt his cheeks flush. Well, that explained why Peepers was so quick to leave him alone for once. He could probably be spared a few moments alone in the shower before finally approaching Wander again.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

This was it, the big moment. He was finally going to see Wander again for the first time since their date. Hater had been planning and thinking about this moment for so long. He had picked out the perfect line and pose to get Wander’s attention. 

He was going to start off by having the Watchdog’s chanting his mantra as a reminder of how cool he was. Then he’d transport himself before Wander in a flashy display of his powers to demonstrate his strength and abilities. Hater would have his arms stretched out to show off his hot body and good looks. Then he’d meet Wander’s eyes and deliver his line. “Starlight, star bright, why don’t you come home with me tonight?” Then Wander would fall for his charms and they’d have the best second date in the history of dating. After that, Hater and Wander would get married and everything would be perfect.

Except Hater’s imagined plans didn’t happen as he had thought they would.

The Watchdogs had done their part of securing the planet for Hater’s arrival. It had been easy since they had apparently landed on an uninhabited planet. They were all chanting “Hate’s great! Best villain!” repeatedly. But unfortunately, Hater had spent all his time thinking about how Wander was going to react and forgot to plan for Sylvia’s reaction. By the time he transported onto the planet in his majestic pose, half of his Watchdogs were already pummeled and moaning for help.

“Oh, right, I forgot about the zbornak’s strength.” Hater scratched at his chin as he side-stepped a Watchdog hurled in his general direction.

“Lord Hater!” Wander was shaking hands with one of the Watchdogs when he noticed Hater’s appearance.

Hater quickly brought up his arms and flexed. “Oh, hey there, Wander, I didn’t notice you there.” Wander tipped his hat to the Watchdog and started to make his way towards Hater with the familiar large smile plastered onto his face.

Clearing his throat, Hater pointed dramatically at Wander. “Stars bright, light tonight, come home, yes?” Hater’s voice slowly started to rise as he realized he had messed up his line. “Argh!” He turned away from Wander and stomped the ground furiously. “Oh come on, I practiced in the mirror and everything!” He shouted at himself and smacked his forehead, upset that he had made such a big blunder of the whole thing.

“Okay, hold on, I get a do-over.” Hater declared as he turned around. But it was too late. Wander was already wrapping his hands around Hater’s waist.

“Hiya, buddy! I haven’t seen you in a while. How have you been, Hatey?” Wander nuzzled his head against Hater’s cloak before looking up at him with a grin.

Hater swallowed thickly at the touch. It was too much like his dream. Wander’s warm hug was already seeping into his bones and pooling in his core. Those bright eyes and large smile were so genuine and meant just for him. 

Hater couldn’t help his reaction as he rested his hands on Wander’s shoulders and smiled back. “Hi,” he managed in a squeaky voice lacking his usual confidence and timbre. 

Wander’s eyes widened and, against all beliefs, so did his smile. “You’re hugging me back. Oh, Hater, I knew you missed me!” His arms tightened around Hater for a moment before he pulled away and took Hater’s hands in his own. “Well, don’t you worry, Hater, I’ll make sure to visit you more often from now on, buddy.”

Peepers muttered something as he stood to Hater’s side and the familiar nagging noise brought Hater out of his silent-struck state. “That’s perfect!” Hater boomed. “Because I just got the Watchdogs to start making some more vegetarian dishes for you so you should come over and try them out while we play this super cool new video game I just got.” 

Wander gasped with a large grin and started to hop up and down, still holding onto Hater’s hands. “That sounds wonderful!” Wander let go of Hater’s hands to cup his hands around his mouth and shout out. “Sylvia, Hater invited us for dinner on the Skullship!”

Sylvia stopped mid-punch and turned to slowly look at Wander who was busy waving her over. “Uh, actually,” Hater crossed his hands over his chest and glared at her as she approached. “I was just inviting Wander, not you, Sylvia. No offense, but you’re just, you know, not my type, you understand.” He winked at her and she rolled her eyes.

“Listen, if you’re thinking of having another little play date with Wander, then you better believe I’m tagging along. Or else Wander’s not going.” Sylvia placed her hands on Wander’s shoulders and dragged him over to her side with a smirk. She wasn’t about to start trusting Hater’s intentions with Wander just because the evil doer was making goo-goo eyes at her buddy.

“Don’t call it a play date. It’s a real date! We’re gonna have music and candles and everything!” Hater yelled as he balled his hands into fists at his sides.

“Oh, you’re asking me out on a real date? Well, I don’t know about that,” Wander frowned and looked hesitantly up at Sylvia. “I haven’t been on an actual date for quite a while.”

“What are you talking about? You were just on a date with me, like, last week.” Hater insisted.

“That wasn’t a real date, silly.” Wander flicked his hand in the air with a giggle. “I was just pretending, you knew that, didn’t you?” Wander frowned as he watched a stricken expression cross Hater’s face. 

Hater felt like he had just been punched in the stomach even though he knew no one had been touching him. It took him a moment before he could suck in a full breath and nod his head. “Right, yeah, of course I knew that. And I was just pretending now, you know. Hah! I certainly got you! Like I, Lord Hater, the greatest in the galaxy, would want to date you, Wander, with your stupid smile and bright eyes.” Hater sniffled and quickly turned away. “Hold on, I just got, uh, some dust in my eye.” 

Peepers glared at Wander and moved to pat Hater’s back. “It’s okay, sir.” He resisted the urge to sigh. After all, he had predicted this ending in tears. 

“Don’t touch me!” Hater shouted with a sob as he scrubbed at his face. “I’m not crying! This planet is just super dusty! It’s this planet’s fault and I want it destroyed!” 

Wander held his hands over his mouth and looked up at Sylvia with wide eyes. Sylvia met his concerned gaze with a sigh. “I think this might be for the best, buddy.” She whispered to him. “You can’t force yourself to date Hater, that’s not fair to you.” She had known this would end in tears and honestly she was thankful the tears had come from Hater, not her buddy. 

“But I like Hater, so why shouldn’t I at least try a date with him and see if it’s possible for me to like-like him?” Wander asked her.

“Wander, you’ve never shown any romantic kind of interest in anyone since I’ve known you. I kinda thought you were all just about platonic love. Do you think you might like-like Hater?” Sylvia asked him, glancing over at the skeleton as he breathed heavily and kept shouting about how “terribly dusty this stupid planet is.”

“Well,” Wander looked over at Hater with a soft smile, “I do think he’s pretty handsome and really cute. He does make me smile too. Not to mention, he does have some similarities to my last ex as well, so he’s definitely my type.” Wander giggled. 

“Woah, what, wait, you have an ex?” Sylvia frowned, but shook her head. “Never mind, that’s not the point now. Are you telling me that you do have a crush on Hater?” 

Wander licked his lips nervously. “It’s not a crush per-say, but, well,” he trailed off and looked at Hater. Clearing his throat and adjusting the hat on his head, Wander approached the crying overlord. “Hater, I might have been a little hasty in rejecting your offer of a date in such a manner and I’m sorry.”

Hater instantly stopped his crying noises and glanced over his shoulder at Wander. “What are you trying to say?” He asked as he wiped his nose with his glove.

“I’m saying that I would gladly accept your offer of a dinner date on your ship.” Wander grinned and Sylvia cleared her throat pointedly behind him. “Oh, with Sylvia accompanying us as a chaperone.”

“Great!” Hater grabbed Wander’s hand and ran for the Skullship with Wander smiling as he was dragged along.

“This will not end well.” Sylvia and Peepers both muttered as they followed the pair at a much more sedate pace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took forever but the sex scene was fighting me. I have a very strong headcanon involving asexuality for Skeleton Dance but my headcanon doesn't fit for this universe. I'll explain more at the bottom if anyone wants to read my rambling after reading the fic. Anyways, I hope you enjoy my first awkward Skeleton Dance sex scene!

This dating thing might have gone better in Hater’s head than in reality. One thing Hater didn’t account for in his mind was his own awkwardness. In his imagined plan, Hater could predict Wander’s actions and take the time to think of a smooth comeback. 

After dragging Wander onto the ship, Peepers and Sylvia followed behind them. Their added presence made Hater feel on edge. It was bad enough he had to impress Wander, but now he felt the added pressure from the two chaperones.

“So, uh, this is my ship.” Hater motioned to the general area around himself as he and Wander continued to walk around aimlessly on the Skullship. It was still too early to go to his set up for his romantic dinner. What did people even do on dates beside dinner, carnivals, and carriage rides? More importantly, how long would it take the Watchdogs to set up a carnival on the Skullship? Probably long enough that Hater would still be stuck finding something to do with his greatest-nemesis turned greatest-date. He wasn’t even sure if they had room on the ship to make a carnival. He’d have to get Peepers to figure that all out later.

“Yeah I know, I’ve been on it before, remember?” Wander smiled. “I don’t really need a tour or anything either because I’ve already got your ship’s schematics memorized from the first time Mr. Peepers showed me around.” Wander glanced over his shoulder at Sylvia before slyly adding in a hushed voice, “Including your six smooching rooms.” He winked at Hater.

Hater’s face flushed green and he coughed to clear his throat. “Right, yeah, I guess you have a good idea of everything on my ship already. Um, oh, wait! Have you seen my torture room?”

“Sir!” Peepers shouted with exasperation from behind them.

Hater hunched his shoulders defensively as he turned to glare at Peepers only to face Sylvia’s own glare. “It’s a valid question. It’s the one stupid room on this ship I’ve never seen him in before. Besides, I have a bunch of neat things down there.”

“You know, now that you mention it, I never have actually been in your torture room. I just kinda peeked in. You can show me that!” Wander gripped Hater’s hand and started tugging him in the general direction of the torture room. “Come on, Hatey-bo-batey.” 

“Alright, just, uh, don’t call me that.” Hater allowed himself to be tugged forward. It was only fair, considering that he’d dragged Wander earlier. 

“What about Studly Skull Muffin?” Wander suggested with an exaggerated waggle of his eyebrows.

“No.”

“Honey badger?”

“Uh-uh.”

“Sugar skull?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Hatey cakes?”

“No stupid nicknames!” Hater shouted, yanking his hand out of Wander’s grip. He blasted lightning around him to display his anger. “Just call me Hater!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Hater, I didn’t realize how much my nicknames bothered you.” Wander rubbed at the back of his neck. 

“Well, those nicknames were really stupid.” Hater crossed his hands over his chest and noticed that Sylvia and Peepers were angrily murmuring something amongst themselves. “But I, uh, don’t really mind when you call me Hatey. I mean, it’s close enough to my name since you’re only changing, like, one letter.”

“You really don’t mind when I call you Hatey?” Wander asked.

Hater shrugged. “That nickname is fine, I guess. I mean, I won’t mind it if it’s only you that calls me it.”

Wander’s eyes widened and he clutched at his chest with a loud gasp. “Sylvia, did you hear that?” Wander’s voice was a high-pitched gasp as though he was holding back a scream of excitement that was threatening to burst out of him.

“Yeah,” Sylvia sighed. “I heard him.” Peepers looked proud and gave Lord Hater a quick thumbs up of approval. Hater was getting very confused about what just happened.

“Alright, come on, enough with that already.” He offered his hand and Wander eagerly took it in his own again with a large smile. 

They made their way to the torture room, passing by many Watchdogs that kept stopping whatever they were doing to watch their leader walk by hand-in-hand with someone. Wander would wave and greet each and every Watchdog. Some would wave back and then cower when Peepers or Lord Hater glared back at them. The walk was pretty quiet but Wander hummed a song as he walked. Hater didn’t recognize the song but he had suspicions that it was a song Wander was making up about their date.

“This place sure does seem smaller on the outside,” Sylvia murmured to herself.

“Finally, we’re here! I always just transport myself everywhere. Walking takes too long, you know?” Hater commented as he stopped at the torture room’s door.

“I like walking. It lets me enjoy the moment and see more out of life.” Wander grinned.

“Oh yeah, no, walking is like, totally cool and everything. But my transportation power is just even cooler, you know? Makes for dramatic entrances and it’s all flashy.” Hater still wasn’t releasing Wander’s hand even as he opened the torture room.

“Your powers are pretty cool and flashy,” Wander agreed.

“Overcompensation,” Sylvia coughed the word out into her arm with a smirk. Peepers snickered at her side.

“This is my torture rack,” Hater led Wander into the room, avoiding the lava pit in the middle. “I tie up my victims here and make them plead for mercy.” Hater looked smug.

“Ooh, impressive.” Wander praised. “What are all the things on the wall?”

“Those are different, like, torture tools. I honestly never really bother with them. I usually just work my magical torturing skills all on my own. But I thought having all of these around really helps add to the torture room atmosphere. I decorated it myself.” Hater waved a hand around the room.

Wander nodded his head. “You’re right; it feels very ominous in here. You did a great job!” 

“Why don’t you ever compliment me like that?” Hater glared at Peepers. Peepers rolled his pupil and didn’t bother to answer. Hater didn’t care though. 

He continued to tell Wander all about where he found the different torture tools as he picked up one item after another from the wall. 

“And this I stole from Emperor Awesome, although I’m still not really sure why he had these. They’re like totally pathetic and aren’t made out of any good material.” Hater explained as he held out the fuzzy, pink handcuffs. 

Wander nodded with a tight grin and shot a look at Sylvia. She was pounding her fist on the wall as she smothered her laughter. “I’ve told him not to include those in here,” Peepers muttered with a blush.

“I don’t think Emperor Awesome used those in his torture room, Hater.” Wander helpfully informed.

“Then what would he use them for?” Hater frowned.

“Well,” Wander grinned cheekily. “Maybe I’ll show you on our next date.” 

“Wander!” Sylvia scowled.

“No you will not! That is much too soon for such things between you two. How dare you impose upon Lord Hater’s virtue like that!” Peepers scolded him. 

Holding his hands up in front of himself in the universal sign of peace, Wander giggled. “Alright, I’ll leave those thoughts until Hater’s more comfortable.” He winked at Hater.

Hater glared at everyone in the room to cover up his confusion. He gave the fuzzy handcuffs a critical look and then tossed them over his shoulder. “Whatever, let’s just go get dinner. The Watchdogs should have everything set up by now.” 

It involved more walking to get to their designated area. When they arrived, Hater was pleasantly surprised to see that the Watchdogs had actually succeeded in setting everything up by his instructions.

There was one of Hater’s more gentle remixes playing over the loudspeakers, repeatedly saying “Smooch, smooch,” to a rhythmic beat. A table was seated for two with a candle in the middle along the plush bench booth seats provided. The disco-ball was turned on and illuminating everything in soothing lights. Hearts were everywhere that they looked.

“Where are we?” Peepers frowned as he looked around the room.

“Smooching room number four,” Hater and Wander responded simultaneously. Hater looked at the other with surprise but Wander simply winked at him again.

“Stop winking at me like that!” Hater shouted.

“Should I use the other eye?” Wander asked as he tried the other eye. Then he tried the original eye again. He continued to switch back and forth between his eyes to try and earn a positive reaction from Hater.

“No, stop that! Now it just looks like you’re bad at blinking.” Hater rubbed at his eyes and then pointed at the table. “Go sit down. And you two,” he grinned deviously at Sylvia and Peepers, “have been doing such a great job as chaperones but as you can see, the smooching room is only set for two. Bye now.” He pushed them out of the door and quickly closed and locked it.

Sylvia was instantly pounding against the outside of the door and shouting curses at him. Hater strolled over to the table where Wander was kicking his feet and bopping his head along to the music. 

Hater removed the lids covering their dinners and took his own seat next to Wander in the booth. He turned the music up to a deafening volume in order to block out Sylvia’s anger. That fortunately took care of dinner conversation as well. They wouldn’t be able to talk unless they wanted to shout at each other. Honestly, Hater would be fine doing that, he had loads of practice being loud, but he felt like they needed a little break from all the talking they were doing. After all, if Wander wasn’t talking then he wouldn’t annoy Hater anymore. 

Their conversation-less meal was spent with Hater worrying over his thoughts. Their date wasn’t going as planned. For one thing, Wander was being much more annoying than their first date. Hater had done most of the talking their first date though. Still, it wasn’t like Wander’s annoying habits made Hater want to kiss him less, which had been a worry. Hater actually wanted to kiss Wander even more when he started being annoying. That way he’d at least be quiet.

But now he was wondering if Wander still wanted to kiss him. Hater had been hoping that the moment he got them alone, Wander would jump him again like he had on the ferris wheel. But Wander wasn’t even playing footsie with him. Did Wander only like to kiss Hater when he was dressed like a girl? Would kissing Hater without a dress and wig on be a problem for Wander?

“This is so tasty!” Wander shouted as he pointed down to his plate. Hater gave a thumbs up instead of bothering to respond verbally. “Do you want a bite?” Wander offered, reaching over with a small forkful, his other hand held under the forkful in case of a spill.

Hater opened his mouth to accept the bite. He wasn’t a vegetarian but he had to admit the Watchdogs had done a great job with whatever was in the casserole. Hater smiled and nodded his head to show he agreed with Wander’s earlier declaration of it being tasty. 

Wander stared at him and dropped his fork onto his plate. They were already sitting side by side at the booth so it didn’t take much for Wander to move and pull himself up onto Hater’s lap. Hater blushed as Wander reached up to cup his face. But Wander simply manipulated his head so that he could talk into his lightning bolt.

“I love your smile, Hatey. It makes me want to put this room’s name to good use. Would it be okay if we skipped dessert for now? After all, Sylvia and Peepers are only going to be kept out of this room for so long.” Wander asked and released Hater’s face to wait for his answer.

Hater could feel his face continue to glow but he nodded his head. If he was a more confident skeleton, he would have answered by pulling Wander into a kiss. But he was still hesitant to start a kiss. Wander hadn’t complained about his kissing skills on their first date, but Hater wasn’t sure if he was a good kisser or not.

Wander looked happily surprised and reached up again. His hands were much gentler this time as one ran over the lightning bolt he had just whispered into. The other hand held onto Hater’s shoulder as Wander leaned in and closed his eyes. Hater closed his eyes too as he felt Wander’s furry lips on his teeth. 

He opened his mouth when he felt Wander’s tongue. Hater opened one eye to peek and check but Wander still had his eyes closed and didn’t seem to mind the taste in Hater’s mouth as they rubbed their tongues together. 

Making out was a lot harder than the movies always made it seem to be. Hater had no idea if he was opening his mouth too wide or not wide enough. Did Wander like the way he moved his tongue against his own? Should Hater do something to avoid his teeth clacking against Wander’s lips? The music at least took care of the issue of the weird noises they made last time on the quiet moonlit hill. But was there something Hater should be doing with his hands other than mimicking Wander’s on his head and shoulder? 

There were so many questions running through his head this time. When they kissed the first time all Hater thought of was that a pretty girl was actually kissing him and that it felt awesome. Why couldn’t he just relax and enjoy himself again? 

Hater pulled away slightly and quickly looked Wander over. Wander continued to stand on his lap and watched Hater curiously. Wander looked down at himself as well and then smiled sadly at Hater. He held up a hand and took off his hat, reaching into it, until he pulled out the dress he had worn before.

Wander stepped into it and began to pull it on, but Hater reached out to stop him. He shook his head. It wasn’t the dress or lack of a dress that was bothering Hater. After all, Wander in a dress and Wander out of a dress was still Wander; he knew that now. 

Putting the dress back into the hat, Wander continued to wait for Hater to come to some decision. Hater licked at his teeth, his mouth tasted different because it tasted like Wander. He had enjoyed it before and he still enjoyed it. Maybe he was just over thinking things too much? 

Reaching out, Hater placed a hand on Wander’s hip and the other on the back of Wander’s head. Wander smirked as he let himself be pulled back in for another kiss. 

This time, Hater didn’t let himself wonder and worry over the questions popping up in his head. He ignored them in favor of focusing on what he was doing with Wander. He could feel Wander’s little body pressed against his own this time. That helped Hater know that Wander was enjoying their kissing due to his heartbeat picking up. He could feel Wander’s breathing get heavier as he gasped against his mouth. Wander’s tongue seemed to move sporadically so Hater assumed there wasn’t much of a technique to this, just a lot of movement. 

But then Wander curled his lips around Hater’s tongue and sucked on it. Hater was surprised by how good that felt. He accidentally bit down on Wander’s bottom lip. Wander jerked against him and Hater stopped holding onto him so hard.

Wander licked at his bitten lip and wiggled his eyebrows at Hater as he moved back in to press kisses against the bottom of Hater’s jaw. Wander pushed back his hood and began to pepper kisses down his throat. Hater tipped his head to the side and closed his eyes with pleasure. 

He apparently had a sensitive throat. Considering that he’d never let anyone really touch his throat before, he was pretty surprised to realize how nice a gentle motion there could feel. Wander’s hands had fallen to both of his arms and were slowly moving up and down the smoothness of his humerus bones. 

With the kisses being peppered to his neck and the stroking on his arms, Hater tipped his head back until he was resting against the plush cushion of the booth’s seats. Wander’s mouth felt like a slow path of fire blazing down his body. Even though Wander was only touching his upper body, Hater felt as though he could feel the warmth even down to his toes. 

Hater dragged his hand from the back of Wander’s head all the way down his furry body. He still had his gloves on so he didn’t feel Wander’s fur but he had opened his eyes and watched his fingers leave trails. He repeated the petting motion a second time, this time digging his pointy fingers a little harder to see if the trails would last longer. They disappeared the moment his fingers were finished moving but they left a longer-lasting effect on Wander.

Wander’s entire body shivered and his mouth formed a perfect circle as he tossed his head back slightly.

Hater suddenly hated the music for taking away the chance for him to hear Wander moan. 

Snatching up the remote, Hater switched the music off. “Do that again,” he demanded.

Neither of them noticed that there weren’t any noises coming from behind their locked door.

“Okay, but you have to do that with your hand again.” Wander looked at Hater with half closed eyes. Hater didn’t hesitate to drag his hand roughly down Wander’s back. “Ooh,” Wander moaned blissfully and fisted his hands in Hater’s robes. “Hater, you are something wonderful.” 

“I know,” Hater replied automatically, his focus on Wander’s little body. If his hand petting Wander like that could get such a reaction, what would happen if… 

Hater leaned forward and imitated what Wander had been doing to his own neck. He tried to kiss and drag his teeth lightly, but it was awkward having to bend over so much. Hater grabbed Wander around the waist and pinned him down to the cushions. Hater shifted so that he was kneeling over Wander and could lean down that way. It felt like less of a strain on his back and Wander didn’t seem to mind since he was still smiling. In fact, Wander was already running his hands over Hater’s back as Hater tried again to kiss at his fluffy neck. 

It wasn’t really working well. Hater had to keep stopping because he’d get hair stuck to his teeth and Wander wasn’t making any moaning noises. Hater glared down at Wander. “This isn’t working,” he stated as he once again brushed hair off his face.

“I like it,” Wander reassured. “But I liked your hands a little more,” Wander answered truthfully. 

“You mean when I did this.” Hater dragged his hand down Wander’s chest this time, going all the way down to where Wander’s legs began.

“Oh!” Wander’s back arched against the cushion and his eyes went wide with surprised pleasure. 

Hater pulled both hands back at such a reaction. Wander panted against the cushion and chuckled with a wide grin. “Now, that’s not fair. I told Mr. Peepers I’d leave those kinds of thoughts until later, but if you keep doing that, well, I might not be able to keep my word.” 

“Wait, how is this so different on your front than your back?” Hater frowned.

Wander grinned and placed his own hands on his upper torso. “It’s not so different up here, but if you travel south then some things might just start waking up. I don’t want to give you more than you can handle on our second date. It might be moving too fast for you so--”

“Nothing is too fast for me! I can handle anything.” Hater insisted. He placed his hands deliberately below Wander’s.

“Hater,” Wander placed his own hands atop of Hater’s to stop them from doing anything more than just touching him. “There’s nothing wrong with taking things slow. I mean, you might not even be sure that you’re into fellows like you are with ladies.”

Hater didn’t try to shake Wander’s hands off of his own. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, I know that I’m sexually attracted to anyone that identifies as masculine.” Wander began.

“So you’re homosexual.” Hater stated.

Wander shook his head. “I don’t always identify as male, as you’ve seen, so it’s easier for me to just say I’m attracted to males or masculine people. I know that about myself after years of figuring it out. But until recently, you’ve only ever really talked about liking girls.” 

“That’s because I do like girls.” Hater deadpanned.

Wander nodded and then looked pointedly at Hater’s hands. “But I’m not exactly all female and if we continued doing what we were doing, you’d find some of my more male parts coming out to play. So I think it’s for the best if we just stop here,” Wander moved Hater’s hands off of himself, “and maybe go find C. Peeps and Syl so we can end our date on a good note.” 

Hater crossed his arms over his chest. “But I liked what we were doing.”

“That’s great!” Wander grinned. “But I’d rather stop while we’re ahead and not make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Why do you think I’d be uncomfortable? I liked what we were doing, I liked doing that with you, Wander, and I want to keep doing that with you.” Hater maintained as he reached out and pulled Wander back onto his lap. “I want to hear you moan again and again.” Before Wander had the chance to move, Hater was dragging his hand down Wander’s front once more. Only this time, he didn’t pull his hand away when he got to Wander’s legs.

“Hater,” Wander grabbed at Hater’s arm. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he stressed.

“I’m not going to do anything I don’t like.” Hater assured. “I’m Lord Hater, if there’s something I don’t want to do, no one can make me do it, especially not you, Wander.”

“Well,” Wander bit down on his bottom lip before nodding his head slowly. “Alright, if you’re sure you want to, but you can tell me you want to stop at any time.”

“Great!” Hater flipped Wander onto his back yet again on the cushion. “Now what were you so worried about?” Hater asked as he raked his hands over and over again down Wander’s front.

“Oh, I, ah,” Wander’s hips kept rising every time Hater’s hands brushed down past his lower torso. “I’m not so worried anymore,” Wander bit down on his bottom lip. “Feeling more excited than anything else, boink boink.” Wander waggled his eyebrows again.

Hater was about to remark about the eyebrows being as annoying as all the winking had been, but then he noticed something different. Between Wander’s legs, there seemed to be something moving. 

“Don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to.” Wander insisted when he noticed that Hater was staring at his exposed genitals. 

Hater nodded his head absentmindedly as he trailed a finger over one of the peeking tentacles. There were three of them beginning to come out from wherever they had been hiding between Wander’s legs. They weren’t the same orange color that Wander’s fur was, but rather a lighter color that almost looked a bit pink.

When he touched one of them, Wander’s whole body shook and he closed his eyes with a happy moan. The tentacle he was touching wrapped around his finger and the other two started to wiggle up his hand as well. 

Hater pulled his hand back and was surprised when the tentacles extended as well and followed his hand. “How long are these?” He wondered aloud.

“Oh, I’ve never really measured; size doesn’t matter, Hater.” Wander grinned and shifted his hips, spreading his legs slightly to allow more room for Hater and his tentacles. He frowned and used his arms to prop himself up. “Is this alright, or is this getting to be too much?” He asked, withdrawing his tentacles and having them unwrap from Hater’s hand.

“No, no, it’s fine, stop that.” Hater reached out and grabbed one of them before it moved away completely.

Wander’s body jerked and he yipped. “Not, not so tight, please.” 

“Oh, sorry,” Hater released the tentacle and gently petted it.

“Mmm,” Wander lowered himself back down to lie flat on the cushion again. “S’okay, you don’t know your own strength sometimes, Hatey.”

Hater wasn’t as stupid as most thought he was. Sure, he had his incredibly dumb moments, but who honestly didn’t? He was a quick learner and he adapted well once he got a clue of what was to be expected. It was what made him so strong in a battle. His powers and anger certainly help, but pure strength could only go so far if you didn’t have a mindset on how to use it and avoid the opponent’s own skills.

He was currently in a new situation but he was taking in every reaction Wander made as he explored and played with Wander’s body. Hater was taking mental notes the whole time. 

Petting anything and anywhere seemed to be good. Gripping too hard was not good. A gentle squeeze was okay and made Wander’s feet kick. Wander could control the tentacles and liked to have one wrapped around Hater wrist while he stroked another one with that hand. A full stroke from the round tip of one tentacle and going all the way down to where the three genitals were coming out from was very good. That action repeated made Wander bite at his lips and grip the cushion while moaning.

It was the last exploration that led Hater to a greater discovery. The tentacles weren’t attached to Wander the same way his dick was when he was aroused. They didn’t just appear by magic; after all, Hater knew that Wander didn’t have magic. 

There was an opening where the three squirming tentacles were coming out from. Hater lifted Wander’s hips slightly to get a better look. The opening was less hairy than the rest of Wander and matched the tentacles coloring. He brushed a finger around the base of the three tentacles and around the opening, pushing experimentally and realizing that it had some give unlike the tentacle. 

“Oh, Hater, um, could you remove your gloves if you’re going to play with my cunny?” Wander requested.

Hater removed his gloves and returned to gently caressing the outside of Wander’s cunny with the tip of one, now bare, finger. He used his other hand to grip the tentacles. He was surprised that they felt slick. The tentacles curled around Hater’s wrist as he moved his fingers around in an organized motion.

He was more interested in Wander’s other genital now. He pushed his finger into the area where all three tentacles poked out from. It was wet and really warm. 

Hater used his explorations of Wander’s other genitals to guide him. He gently stroked inside and got the reaction he was hoping for when Wander bit his lip and moaned. He could feel the tentacles continue inside Wander and move against his finger. 

“Oh, that’s—that feels so good.” Wander’s eyes kept closing and he looked to be fighting to keep them open. “It’s been awhile since I’ve had a nice stretch down there.”

Hater played with the slickness outside of the opening for a moment before he sank two thick fingers deep into Wander’s cunny. Wander’s moans were getting higher pitched and coming from somewhere in his throat. It was as though every movement from Hater’s fingers were pushing out the noises Wander was making. 

It took some coordination, but Hater fell into a pattern of stroking Wander’s tentacles and then stroking him inside. Hater knew that he had always wanted to hear Wander moaning and crying out for mercy, but he never imagined it like this. This was certainly bringing Hater a lot more pleasure than he had thought possible too.

His own breathing was erratic and he glanced down briefly at himself to see the familiar glow at his groin. Hater felt the familiar teetering sensation in his body as every stroke of his hand brought Wander more pleasure. 

Wander was gasping his name and clenching down on his fingers. Hater’s breath caught in his throat at the sound. He took a steadying breath as his body braced itself. His own enjoyment was only increasing as Wander began to arch off of the cushion and toss his head back and forth. Wander looked beautiful in the throes of pleasure.

The view caught Hater off guard and he tipped over the cliff of pleasure. He clenched his jaw, his body tensed, and a high sound escaped his nasal cavity. It felt amazing. Hater’s whole body felt heated yet he shivered, his body sending little shockwaves of pleasure from his groin down to his toes and back up his spine. There was warmth pooling out around his groin. It was nice. Pure electrical impulses flowed off of him in waves.

He exhaled and continued to watch Wander carefully. Hater had to focus on keeping his efficient pace with his hands. He could see Wander’s own pleasure building. Hater moved his fingers faster in and out of Wander, going deeper and crooking his fingers on every thrust in. He felt over sensitized but Wander was groaning and begging under him. It was too good to stop. 

And then Wander’s eyes opened and a purring rumble started in his chest. His body fell slack against the cushions and the tentacles wrapped around Hater’s arms tightly before releasing all at once, leaving a trail of slick behind. His body stilled and his breath came out shaky.

Hater stopped his movements and slowly pulled his fingers out to stare at the glistening liquid left on them. Wander was breathing heavily with a hand against his chest as the tentacles slowly sank back into his body. He had a satisfied grin spread across his face as his chest continued to rumble in a contented purr. 

It occurred to Hater with a bolt of desire through his stomach that he had just brought another being to orgasm. He had made another feel enough pleasure that their body reacted to it until it no longer could.

Reaching for one of the napkins, Hater wiped at his hands and his arm before they turned sticky. He handed another napkin to Wander when the nomad began to sit up. Wander wiped himself down before moving to climb back onto Hater’s lap. He pulled Hater in for another deep, leisurely kiss as though he wanted to savor every second of it. Hater didn’t feel awkward about his hand placement this time.

But then Wander’s hands started to rub at his lower bones through his robe and Hater broke the kiss to grab his hands. “Yeah, don’t, uh, don’t do that.” 

“But, Hater, you just showed me such a great time. It would be very rude of me not to have the chance to reciprocate the favor. I won’t do more than lend a helping hand if that’s as far as you want me to go.” Wander pouted even as he pulled his hands away and didn’t make a move to touch Hater again.

“No, I mean it, Wander, I don’t need your helping hand. It’s already taken care of.” Hater’s face flushed. The warmth in his boxers from before was becoming cold and uncomfortable.

Wander frowned for a moment and then looked intensely at Hater’s crotch. “Do you mean…?” Hater nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, I never would have known since your robe is so dark. Wow, Hater, that’s quite the compliment.” Wander grinned brightly. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t clean up as easily as you do so I kinda need to change before we see Peepers and your Zbornak again.” Hater grumbled. That was one embarrassment he would rather pass on.

“Do you want to transport to your room real quick and change?” Wander suggested, moving off of Hater’s lap. “I’ll start cleaning up here.”

“Be right back,” Hater assured. He zapped out of the smooching room number four and into his bedroom. 

Pulling his robe off and kicking his soiled boxers off, Hater rubbed a washcloth over his hip bones, and then grabbed clean clothes. It was when he was checking his reflection in the mirror of his bathroom that Hater came to a realization. He just had sex. It wasn’t at all what he had imagined for his first time, but it still counted. He had sex with Wander and it had felt awesome. 

He was already thinking about how he could do it again. He wanted to see Wander’s face scrunched up in pleasure again. He wanted to memorize the high pitched squealing voice Wander used to call his name. He wanted to lie Wander down on his bed and spend hours doing all of that and more over again. Hater wanted to marry Wander and make that all possible. Snatching the ring from his bedside drawer, Hater transported back to Wander. 

While he was gone, Wander had made himself helpful and cleaned up all signs of their activities together. He had also cleaned up the dinner and gotten a cleaning wipe from his hat to wipe the cushion down. He was smiling and humming again.

“Wander,” Hater took the cleaning wipe from Wander’s hand and tossed it aside to hold his hands. “That was amazing.”

“I really should be the one complimenting you, Hatey; after all, you were the one doing all the work. Next time, I’m going to show you what I can really do, if you don’t mind.” Wander grinned and winked. Hater didn’t even mind the wink. “Thank you for such a great date, Hater. We should really do this again soon.” 

“Do it again with me every day for the rest of our lives.” Hater dropped down to his knees below Wander. It helped that Wander was standing on the cushion so that Hater could actually be below him. He pulled out the ring and watched as Wander’s smile disappeared. “Marry me, Wander?”

Wander pulled his hands back and planted them on his hips. “No.”

Hater’s smile fell. “N-no?”

“Yes, no.” Wander shook his head. “Hater, you don’t go proposing to someone after sex. That’s not your heart talking, that’s your junk talking.” 

Hater looked at the ring and closed the box. “I’ve been thinking about it even before we had sex.”

“That’s nice to know, but I would still say no. Consenting sex on dates is all good fun when you’re careful about it, but marriage is a serious event that shouldn’t be taken lightly. This is our second-ish date, Hater. You’re rushing things.” Wander explained. “Marriage is meant to be for your one true love and frankly, I’m not too positive you know how you feel for me yet.”

“But I know I want you to date me all the time and not anyone else.” Hater pouted.

Wander smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to Hater’s forehead. “Then let’s agree to be monogamous boyfriends, okay?”

“Boyfriends?” Hater repeated. He thought it over before nodding. He hadn’t considered the step between dating and marriage. “Okay, we’re boyfriends so that means you’re not allowed to have sex or date anyone other than me.”

“That sounds perfect to me!” Wander jumped from the cushion to tackle Hater in a tight hug. “I can’t believe we’re boyfriends! I’m so happy!”

Hater grumbled under his breath about being knocked over but he wrapped his arms around Wander in return. 

It was then that the door opened. “I told you I had a skeleton key somewhere,” Peepers said to Sylvia. She was drinking a smoothie and glaring down at Hater.

“You’re lucky your food court is good or I’d be kicking your boney butt right now for pulling such a stunt earlier.” Sylvia threatened.

“We’re boyfriends now!” Wander jumped up from Hater to bounce excitedly in front of Sylvia. 

“Oh brother,” Peepers rubbed his hands over his eye. “I knew this would happen. This or you two would get engaged.”

“I already explained to Hater about rushing into marriage,” said Wander.

“He proposed? And you turned him down?” Peepers seemed more surprised about Wander’s rejection.

“So if you two are boyfriends now, does that mean you’re not going to conquer the galaxy anymore?” Sylvia asked.

“Wander and me dating doesn’t change anything about my plans for galactic control.” Hater disagreed.

Sylvia met Peeper’s gaze. She puffed up her chest and then sighed loudly. “You know what, I’ve had enough for one night. We’ll deal with that issue later, I guess. Come on, Wander, let’s go find somewhere to sleep for tonight.” 

“You’ll sleep here.” Hater stated more than offering.

Sylvia raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “That sounds nice.” Wander smiled and yawned. “I am a little too tired to try and find a comfortable planet. Besides, there are a lot of spare rooms on the ship.”

“Alright, but we’re bunking together. And we’re going to take one that has a lock in case anyone gets any funny ideas in the middle of the night.” Sylvia glared at Hater.

“Goodnight, Hatey, I’ll see you in the morning.” Wander jumped up to wrap his arms around Hater and press a quick goodnight kiss to his mouth. “Thanks for such a lovely evening!” He waved goodbye from Sylvia’s back as they made their way down the ship. Wander gave Sylvia directions to one of the guest rooms. 

Hater smiled dreamily as he waved goodbye after them. He had a boyfriend now and he had sex with his boyfriend. He would have sex again with his boyfriend. He was feeling really good.

“Sir, you understand that there are going to be a lot of things that will have to change if you and Wander are going to be dating now. For one thing--” Peepers stopped when Hater pushed his hat down over his face.

“Not tonight, Peepers. There are no problems tonight.” Hater declared and then transported to his room once more. 

He plopped down on his bed with a grin on his face and pulled his wig wearing stuffed animal to his chest. He was smiling in bed as he gazed up at the ceiling. He had a boyfriend that made him happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so I said I would ramble about headcanons down here. For this universe, Wander is bigender and attracted to males/masculine beings. He has had a few boyfriends in his past and he has had a lot of casual sex because he believes in spreading the love. Hater is bisexual but spent most of his life believing he was straight. Peepers is demisexual but straight. Sylvia is polyamorous and pansexual. That's all I'm saying for now. More will be revealed in the next part of this series. If you have any questions and don't want to ask them in the comments here, feel free to ask me on my Tumblr; http://aloneindarknes7.tumblr.com/


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